Kia ora team, how are you all doing? Hope everyone is safe and well at the moment!!!
Things have been kinda ok lately, waiting to see what happens with Covid adds another level of stress and anxiety to everything else (like I’m sure many others are feeling too.)
I’ve recently had about a week of being up each night with Beau, treating lows mainly but some corrections too so am super tired and KW had to take the reins for a couple of nights so I could try to get a good sleep.
We (the boys and I) are having a sleepover tonight as KW is out so it’s back to being my turn again. I am exhausted!!!
Busy, full on week!
On top of ‘normal – day to day/night to night’ diabetes, covid concerns, every day life being a teacher and Mum/wife/friend daughter there’s been another layer of stuff to deal with.
Some things have occurred with Beau’s care at school, the same thing a few times, and, well…it’s scary.
Plain old fucking scary.
When things like this get added to my already full plate I can’t really deal with the normal things on my ‘normal’ plate as well.
I feel a million feelings, I try to be proactive and sort things, but I can’t focus on any ONE task and I feel stress and anxiety at a much higher level.
Then I wonder if I am cut out for this.
How can I live and breathe and feel safe when I can’t control this stuff. I can’t think about anything else ‘normal’ or concentrate, as when I think of my youngest baby not being ok my heart thuds and I am petrified.
Beau is fine. He has luckily been fine when these things have happened, but very easily, he might not have been.
He is amazing.
He is resilient.
He is strong.
He is brave.
He is funny.
He is fussy.
He is strong-minded.
He is savage.
He is kind.
He is empathetic.
He is hilarious.
He is clever.
He is gorgeous.
He is Beau.
In other news, last weekend we went camping with 3 other awesome families we have met since moving to Lincoln. We had such an awesome time!! It was also great as Beau was off with the kids JUST the same as everyone else. Running around, playing soccer, climbing trees, building bases, I mean – I don’t even know!! They were always reasonably close and the phone kept showing his levels and he was having a blast and (during the day) his levels were great!
This experience filled my bucket so much – as we ALL LOVED it!
We loved hanging out with our friends and diabetes didn’t rule the weekend!!
Sometimes, it does sneak in though. This week I had to treat Beau with skittles while he was in the pool having his swimming lesson. He was very shy and didn’t want anyone to see which broke my heart. But he was heading down and he still had about half of his lesson left! Luckily he was all good. Thank you skittles!
Let’s hope next blog I’m feeling more joyful.
As always, send me strength and coffee please lol xx