Well, we are here. I am breaking. Lots of people have commented on how well we have been handling this, and how well I have been coping.
Not anymore.
I have tried and tried and been flexible for change, and TRYING not to beat myself up about Beau’s BGLs not being in range 100% of the time (totally unrealistic, but the goal nonetheless! )
Then we had the infection on Christmas eve in the site where the glucose monitor sits in his arm. Then on Christmas day, he was running on the path after the park and he face planted and gave himself a fat lip.
It’s ok. We can do this. I thought. Small things. Let’s not get hung up on everything else ON TOP of Diabetes. I kept repeating these things. Everything seems that little bit worse because it is on top of Diabetes.
Runny nose. Then 2 constant green slugs for over a week. It’s fine, it’s nothing. He’s happy.
Then while we were camping I accidentally put a sunscreen on him that wasn’t the family one (fuck, I accidentally got a normal one, not the ‘family’ one that my hand reached for when buying it!!!!!!!) and he came up in a terrible rash on his neck from it! Cue antihistamines for him.
(Cos we have antihistamines. For both children, Cooper has allergies in the hayfever way, but Beau is allergic to egg and peanuts. Of course.)
Ok, that’s ok. I can still cope. I am doing well. Camping is a huge stretch for me, especially with a newly diagnosed Type 1 Diabetic child, but we are ok. It’s fun. The kids are loving it!
Then his ear leaked overnight. And was full of gunk the next day.
That’s ok, he’s happy.
Apart from the fact it did it for the next 2 nights too.
Fuck.
Drs are open today, so this morning, off we went to the Drs…
The first thing the Dr did was listen to his heart. He kept moving around the stethoscope and stayed quiet for a few minutes so I knew something wasn’t right.
I thought this just meant he had a chest infection or something, re the runny nose and sore ear.
A heart murmur.
A. Fucking. Heart. Murmur!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?!?!?!!?
Apparently, it might just be cos he is sick right now, with an ear infection. I had one when I was younger too (as I was also an ear infection child) but I grew out of it.
So we have to go back in 2 weeks, when he is well, so the Dr can hear if it is still there or not, and if it is, then we will need to get the Paeds team at Christchurch Hospital to further investigate.
Honestly.
HONESTLY!!!!!!
Also, his grommet has of course come out of that ear that has lots of fluid behind it.
So now, I am broken. I am at my wits end. I am a person who usually finds things like this really challenging but I just feel like now THIS on top of Diabetes is too much.
So previously I might have handled this better.
And yesterday I might have been coping with Diabetes in an ok way.
Today, I am not. It is yet another challenge in the fight that is my son’s health. My baby! Why the hell is his body being so mean to him??
So now, Beau has to have:
6.5ml of antibiotics 3 times a day (for a week!)
2-3 antibiotic ear drops in his left ear 3 times a day (for a week!)
Novorapid insulin 3 times a day (ongoing!)
Lantus insulin once a day (ongoing!)
I may also be being dramatic about it because I am so tired from the constant night checks and camping tiredness. So, my apologies for that!
I rung the Paeds Diabetes team and let them know, thankfully we have our next clinic appointment in 8 days so they will give Beau a good checking over then.
In the meantime, I’m so appreciative of my husband who continues to be my rock and my constant calm!!!!! And my wonderful friends and Mum who listen to me rant and rave. One amazing friend has even taken Cooper for the night to give us a slight reprieve from the extraness that is right now.
UGH.
Hopefully I will feel better tomorrow after some sleep tonight.
And coffee… allllll the cofffeeeeeeeeeeee